All of a sudden this afternoon, I realized that a week from today (a little later than right this moment), I will be picking Hannah up from her first day of preschool! I suddenly got a wave of sadness as I realized all that entails. So many of those parenting "letting go" moments really begin as kids enter school, and I am guessing each one is a little harder as we say good-bye to our children stepping through the preschool doors, getting on the school bus, entering junior high, riding in cars with other kids, graduating, going to college--ahhhh! Hannah's whole childhood is passing right in front of my eyes!
I guess that's why people always say "You blink, and your child is grown up!" Recently I heard that time seems to speed up after five. I already feel like the last four years have flown by, so I can only imagine what will come next.
This is one of those times where I have to stop and write down how I'm feeling (which is why I'm taking a moment to step away, even though Hannah is painting and Gemma is trying to climb in the laundry basket) because I know that someday I'm going to want to look back and read these posts & remember the joys of having young children. While there are frustrating, challenging days for sure, I want to think back on these early years with gratitude and fondness, knowing God's hand was firmly holding our days.
In one week, I will drop off my firstborn at preschool, and for those three hours, I won't get to hear every conversation, see her interaction with her peers & teacher, or watch her engage in the various activities so common in preschool. I will wonder how it's going, what she's learning, and if she likes it. When she gets home, I will be so excited to hear all about the day, and I know she will have lots to talk about. I pray that this can be the case no matter how old she gets or how long she has been in school. May our lines of communication always be open, no matter the time or distance!
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
What a Difference a Day Makes!
It's amazing how different your days can be as a mom to two young children! Yesterday was a tough one for me, and Hannah's behavior was all over the place. I ended up feeling very frustrated and was struggling to see a bright point in the day--besides the end of it! ;) I decided not to post anything specific about it yesterday because I figured I'd just be all emotional and negative. At any rate, I found myself at a loss for how to respond to all of the tantrums, sassy tones, disobedience and general lack of respect. It felt like no matter what I did, Hannah refused to obey! By the time Keith got home, we talked about some possible options and prayed together--probably the best thing to do!!
Today, although we didn't have any plans, we have had a great day already! The morning was spent hanging out at home, watching a little PBS, and I was able to do a bunch of much-needed e-mailing. After Gemma woke up (she's my late riser, most mornings finally making some noise around 9:30 or 10!) we decided to head out for some blackberry picking, which Hannah loves. (Just before that, Keith came by and brought me a drink from Starbucks! What a guy, huh? He even remembered that I'm staying away from dairy--another story--, so he got me a soy vanilla latte! I was so pleased, and I was beaming the whole morning because he takes such good care of me! :)
While picking our berries, Hannah did not get a single blackberry in her bucket, but boy did she have fun! Gemma was patient and willing to just sit in the stroller, provided we brought her a blackberry every so often. I snapped a picture on my phone, but I don't have a way to post it here--or if I do, I don't know how...Anyway, both girls enjoyed the outing and were covered in blackberry juice by the time we were done!
When we got home, we had lunch and then both girls went down for nap/quiet time. Now I'm sitting here on the computer, wondering how two days could be SO different. I'm actually trying to think of what to do while they're in their rooms, since I already did all my e-mailing this morning! (Don't tell anyone...I'm sure I could come up with some chores to do, but I just don't want to!)
Anyway, it's been a good day, and I just found out Keith will be home earlier than he expected, so it's going to end well too! :)
Thank you, Lord, for these days!
Today, although we didn't have any plans, we have had a great day already! The morning was spent hanging out at home, watching a little PBS, and I was able to do a bunch of much-needed e-mailing. After Gemma woke up (she's my late riser, most mornings finally making some noise around 9:30 or 10!) we decided to head out for some blackberry picking, which Hannah loves. (Just before that, Keith came by and brought me a drink from Starbucks! What a guy, huh? He even remembered that I'm staying away from dairy--another story--, so he got me a soy vanilla latte! I was so pleased, and I was beaming the whole morning because he takes such good care of me! :)
While picking our berries, Hannah did not get a single blackberry in her bucket, but boy did she have fun! Gemma was patient and willing to just sit in the stroller, provided we brought her a blackberry every so often. I snapped a picture on my phone, but I don't have a way to post it here--or if I do, I don't know how...Anyway, both girls enjoyed the outing and were covered in blackberry juice by the time we were done!
When we got home, we had lunch and then both girls went down for nap/quiet time. Now I'm sitting here on the computer, wondering how two days could be SO different. I'm actually trying to think of what to do while they're in their rooms, since I already did all my e-mailing this morning! (Don't tell anyone...I'm sure I could come up with some chores to do, but I just don't want to!)
Anyway, it's been a good day, and I just found out Keith will be home earlier than he expected, so it's going to end well too! :)
Thank you, Lord, for these days!
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
My Man
Last Friday, I got a text from my friend Lisa, encouraging me to read a daily devotional that we both get. I tend to read them if I'm grabbed by the first line or two, since I spend my morning quiet time going through my Experiencing God homework, but she said this one was worth my time, so I finally got to reading it this weekend. At the same time, I was finishing out a book series by Karen Kingsbury that deals with a lot of relationship issues & pitfalls, as well as the ways to combat those problem areas. I was extremely convicted and challenged by both sources, and it made me think God was trying to get my attention!
The subject was about lifting up & encouraging our husbands verbally so that they know we have confidence and trust in their leadership within our homes. As I read the book, I was reminded that while men are born to be leaders, it is really the wife's job to ENCOURAGE that leadership by speaking life & love into her husband's role. The author of the devotional (Tracie Miles) also mentioned this little tidbit that really got me shifting in my seat:
"Along the way I subconsciously created a measuring stick of expectations for whether my husband actually deserved my love and respect."
Wow, huh?! How often do my unrealistic expectations of Keith cause me to speak angry, frustrated, or sarcastic words that ultimately make him feel as if he's let me down? Instead, both authors suggested forgiving easily, speaking encouragement, and serving your spouse as just some of the ways to combat those initial selfish responses. I am really trying to pray through that each day so that when Keith gets home (and whenever I talk to--or even text--him throughout the day), God helps me tame my tongue and instead places compliments, praises, and TRUTH for Keith.
He's doing such a great thing by allowing me to stay home with our girls, and I need to remind him how much I appreciate him for that, and for everything else he does for me & our family!
I would encourage you to join me in this challenge, as I think the more women can re-claim the role spoken of in Proverbs 31, the better off our marriages, our families, and our communities will be!
The subject was about lifting up & encouraging our husbands verbally so that they know we have confidence and trust in their leadership within our homes. As I read the book, I was reminded that while men are born to be leaders, it is really the wife's job to ENCOURAGE that leadership by speaking life & love into her husband's role. The author of the devotional (Tracie Miles) also mentioned this little tidbit that really got me shifting in my seat:
"Along the way I subconsciously created a measuring stick of expectations for whether my husband actually deserved my love and respect."
Wow, huh?! How often do my unrealistic expectations of Keith cause me to speak angry, frustrated, or sarcastic words that ultimately make him feel as if he's let me down? Instead, both authors suggested forgiving easily, speaking encouragement, and serving your spouse as just some of the ways to combat those initial selfish responses. I am really trying to pray through that each day so that when Keith gets home (and whenever I talk to--or even text--him throughout the day), God helps me tame my tongue and instead places compliments, praises, and TRUTH for Keith.
He's doing such a great thing by allowing me to stay home with our girls, and I need to remind him how much I appreciate him for that, and for everything else he does for me & our family!
I would encourage you to join me in this challenge, as I think the more women can re-claim the role spoken of in Proverbs 31, the better off our marriages, our families, and our communities will be!
A Gorgeous Day at the Lake!
Last weekend, we met up with my parents at Yale Lake in Cougar, WA for our annual (sometimes less than annual) water-skiing day. We love getting out on the boat, and since both Keith & I enjoy skiing, we take advantage of it when we can! The weather was GORGEOUS, with full sun & heat from the get-go. God certainly blessed us with a wonderful day, and we took every opportunity to jump in the lake, ski, and swim around with the girls. (The water was 70, which is almost unheard of for that lake! We've braved temps way closer to the 60 degree point!)
It was Gemma's first time on the boat, since we didn't get out last summer, and she seemed to enjoy it/be relaxed enough to be put to sleep:
At one point during the day, I noticed that she had fallen asleep with a chip still in her hand. I guess she was holding onto it for comfort, since she didn't actually eat it.
Hannah really had fun on the boat, and due to a little apprehension about safety (not sure where she gets that...), she obeyed the rules about sitting while the boat is moving and always keeping a life vest on! :) When Keith and I were skiing, she preferred to sit with her back to us because it made her nervous when we fell. It makes me wonder what the years will bring as far as her desire to get in and do the skiing herself.
Hannah did enjoy jumping into the water from the boat, and she was excited about being able to float on her back by herself since she's just been learning about that in swim lessons!
We spent a little bit of time on the shore, but not much--just long enough for the guys to take short naps and to attempt to put Gemma down for a longer nap in her porta-crib. That did not happen, but she was pretty happy all day in spite of only having a couple short naps while the boat was moving!
Hannah liked exploring the swimming hole and digging in the sand:
It was a great day, and I hope we can go out more next summer!
It was Gemma's first time on the boat, since we didn't get out last summer, and she seemed to enjoy it/be relaxed enough to be put to sleep:
At one point during the day, I noticed that she had fallen asleep with a chip still in her hand. I guess she was holding onto it for comfort, since she didn't actually eat it.
Hannah really had fun on the boat, and due to a little apprehension about safety (not sure where she gets that...), she obeyed the rules about sitting while the boat is moving and always keeping a life vest on! :) When Keith and I were skiing, she preferred to sit with her back to us because it made her nervous when we fell. It makes me wonder what the years will bring as far as her desire to get in and do the skiing herself.
Hannah did enjoy jumping into the water from the boat, and she was excited about being able to float on her back by herself since she's just been learning about that in swim lessons!
We spent a little bit of time on the shore, but not much--just long enough for the guys to take short naps and to attempt to put Gemma down for a longer nap in her porta-crib. That did not happen, but she was pretty happy all day in spite of only having a couple short naps while the boat was moving!
Hannah liked exploring the swimming hole and digging in the sand:
It was a great day, and I hope we can go out more next summer!
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
An evening at the river!
Keith surprised us all and got home at noon today, which was a blessing for me on a day where none of those "parenting methods" seemed to be helpful. :) Hannah was so excited to see Keith's truck that she started tearing up, about which she remarked: "Sometimes I cry when I'm happy!" She was awe-struck about that, but it is something she will definitely need to understand if she is going to be a woman in this family!
In addition to BOTH girls taking naps this afternoon (which I somehow can allow for Hannah when I know Keith will be home at night to field the stalling tactics...), Keith also tackled the huge task of digging/sawing up a maple tree in our front yard. The roots were starting to affect our water pipes, and he's been wanting to take it out for a while. After that, Keith came in and announced that we needed to go to the river. (Keith's favorite place to swim is any running/rushing fresh water!) Seeing as both girls were still sleeping, Keith did the obvious and took a nap himself. Once everyone was awake (and Mommy had plenty of time to do some reading & bible study prep), we headed down to the Washougal River. It was a nice evening for it, and although we ended up on the shady side, it was nice not to have to worry about sunscreen & sun hats! Both girls had fun and enjoyed the water & the fresh air. Keith and I both dunked ourselves a couple times, and generally we all felt good about the time there!
Hannah looks a bit mischievous here, but I think she's just enjoying the feeling of wet sand in her hands! :)
I love Gemma's expression in this picture--so excited and full of wonderment.
In addition to BOTH girls taking naps this afternoon (which I somehow can allow for Hannah when I know Keith will be home at night to field the stalling tactics...), Keith also tackled the huge task of digging/sawing up a maple tree in our front yard. The roots were starting to affect our water pipes, and he's been wanting to take it out for a while. After that, Keith came in and announced that we needed to go to the river. (Keith's favorite place to swim is any running/rushing fresh water!) Seeing as both girls were still sleeping, Keith did the obvious and took a nap himself. Once everyone was awake (and Mommy had plenty of time to do some reading & bible study prep), we headed down to the Washougal River. It was a nice evening for it, and although we ended up on the shady side, it was nice not to have to worry about sunscreen & sun hats! Both girls had fun and enjoyed the water & the fresh air. Keith and I both dunked ourselves a couple times, and generally we all felt good about the time there!
Hannah looks a bit mischievous here, but I think she's just enjoying the feeling of wet sand in her hands! :)
I love Gemma's expression in this picture--so excited and full of wonderment.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
A Gift
Last Saturday, we had planned on going to the Fair with the girls, but after doing a budget review, we decided it might not be the best choice. I was pretty bummed about it, and as lame as that may sound, that's just how I felt. :) The Fair is a tradition in our family, and I have so many memories of going with my family as a child, with friends in high school, with my nannying charges, with Keith after we were newly married, and then with our own children. Just walking in brings back thoughts of animals, (how can it not, with the smells wafting around??) Dairy Wives milkshakes, Fair food, rides that make you excited and sick at the same time...but are still worth it, and of course, the commercial building (where you will have so many people vying for your attention that you have to make the excuse that you're headed straight for the bathroom.) This is why, on Friday night, I had some time with God to surrender my feelings of frustration and disappointment. No judging, people! We all have our "thing(s)." Anyway, after praying through things, I felt a lot of peace, knowing that God would provide my comfort & contentment.
Saturday morning we got up and started doing chores around the house (because what better way to replace a day of fun than with a day of chores?!) I was checking our accounts online to balance everything out, and I noticed something strange--the automatic deposit of Keith's Monday paycheck was already in our account! Logically, there was no reason for this--Monday was not a holiday, the payday didn't fall on a Sunday (and even if it had, the deposit would have come through on Friday.), and it is AUTOMATIC, so it couldn't have been user error! Our only explanation was that God was giving our family a gift--something that maybe wouldn't seem important or that big of a deal to others, but that was great news to us. We knew it was our "go-ahead" from the Lord, encouraging us even in activity like this. I found such joy in knowing that God cared about this for me, and that He enabled us to do it when we couldn't see any way to go on our own. God is so amazing! I love that He loves us so much that He cares about the details!
The Fair was wonderful, with all of the aforementioned activities. Hannah was super excited when we told her we were going to the fair, and we took the bus as we'd done in years past.
Hannah and I went on one ride together, which she thoroughly enjoyed, giggling hysterically the entire time. I giggled for about the first 5 times around, and then I started feeling...the nausea. Fortunately, those rides do not last long, so after 5 or 6 more times around, the ride was over and I wobbled & swayed to the exit. Here's one of the more fun points:
The girls both seemed to enjoy the animals the best, as they each talked to, pointed at, and touched most of them. Gemma walked a fair amount, too, which was different than last year when she rode in the Moby and slept the majority of the time! :)
This goat was particularly friendly, jumping up on the gate every time a new person came to visit. (Not sure what I'm doing with my mouth there--probably trying to imitate how goats chew, which I find fascinating. :)) Also, note Gemma's overalls--I may have prompted that...
Here's Hannah trying to let the goats out. (Seriously--they should have locks on those; I was picturing a goat stampede...)
Note the boots--those were Hannah's choice, with NO prompting from me. How did she know those would fit right in?!
The best picture came during lunch time, when Keith decided on something special for him & the girls to share:
That is a whole turkey leg, slow-roasted in hickory. It was SO good, and other than a few bites that I took, Keith and the girls finished it off to the bone. I bet that thing weighed at least a pound! You should have seen some of the looks Hannah got when she was chowing down (especially before Keith was sitting next to her and was obviously sharing.)
While waiting for Keith to get back from the Dairy Wives counter, we found this bouncy house in the kid's area. Again, this was one of the highlights for Hannah--and us--as it was free and she could go in as many times as she wanted!
All in all, it was a wonderful afternoon at the Fair, and both girls slept VERY hard that night. It was great to see the joy on their faces as they experienced another great year! Until next year...
Saturday morning we got up and started doing chores around the house (because what better way to replace a day of fun than with a day of chores?!) I was checking our accounts online to balance everything out, and I noticed something strange--the automatic deposit of Keith's Monday paycheck was already in our account! Logically, there was no reason for this--Monday was not a holiday, the payday didn't fall on a Sunday (and even if it had, the deposit would have come through on Friday.), and it is AUTOMATIC, so it couldn't have been user error! Our only explanation was that God was giving our family a gift--something that maybe wouldn't seem important or that big of a deal to others, but that was great news to us. We knew it was our "go-ahead" from the Lord, encouraging us even in activity like this. I found such joy in knowing that God cared about this for me, and that He enabled us to do it when we couldn't see any way to go on our own. God is so amazing! I love that He loves us so much that He cares about the details!
The Fair was wonderful, with all of the aforementioned activities. Hannah was super excited when we told her we were going to the fair, and we took the bus as we'd done in years past.
Hannah and I went on one ride together, which she thoroughly enjoyed, giggling hysterically the entire time. I giggled for about the first 5 times around, and then I started feeling...the nausea. Fortunately, those rides do not last long, so after 5 or 6 more times around, the ride was over and I wobbled & swayed to the exit. Here's one of the more fun points:
The girls both seemed to enjoy the animals the best, as they each talked to, pointed at, and touched most of them. Gemma walked a fair amount, too, which was different than last year when she rode in the Moby and slept the majority of the time! :)
This goat was particularly friendly, jumping up on the gate every time a new person came to visit. (Not sure what I'm doing with my mouth there--probably trying to imitate how goats chew, which I find fascinating. :)) Also, note Gemma's overalls--I may have prompted that...
Here's Hannah trying to let the goats out. (Seriously--they should have locks on those; I was picturing a goat stampede...)
Note the boots--those were Hannah's choice, with NO prompting from me. How did she know those would fit right in?!
The best picture came during lunch time, when Keith decided on something special for him & the girls to share:
That is a whole turkey leg, slow-roasted in hickory. It was SO good, and other than a few bites that I took, Keith and the girls finished it off to the bone. I bet that thing weighed at least a pound! You should have seen some of the looks Hannah got when she was chowing down (especially before Keith was sitting next to her and was obviously sharing.)
While waiting for Keith to get back from the Dairy Wives counter, we found this bouncy house in the kid's area. Again, this was one of the highlights for Hannah--and us--as it was free and she could go in as many times as she wanted!
All in all, it was a wonderful afternoon at the Fair, and both girls slept VERY hard that night. It was great to see the joy on their faces as they experienced another great year! Until next year...
Thursday, August 11, 2011
A confession
Yesterday morning during my "Experiencing God" study, I was convicted in a big way! In my previous posts about child-rearing and learning how to raise Hannah & Gemma, I realized that I was talking a lot about MY experiences, MY struggles, MY triumphs, when in actuality, those are GOD'S! The advantage of following the one true Lord is that He bears the burdens for us...as soon as we surrender them. In retrospect of the last week or two, I see that only in letting go of Hannah & Gemma and asking for Holy Spirit wisdom to come upon me as I parent, do I end each day feeling fulfilled and positive. (Now, lest you think I'm a Pollyana parent, and that every day is happy & joyful, regardless of the behavior from my children, let me stop you right there! There are certainly days where I am on the verge of tears for a great deal of it, and things just don't seem to be working out--yesterday had some of those moments, in fact. But at the end of the day, if I can go to bed knowing God had His way in our home and He ultimately wins, I have peace! And that is something no parenting book--besides the Bible--can give you.)
I'll quote the passage from Experiencing God that got me feeling all "shifty."
"If you are obedient, God will accomplish wonderful things through you. You will need to be careful that any testimony about what God has done gives glory only to Him. Pride may cause you to want to recount your EXPERIENCE because it makes you feel special. You will want to declare the wonderful deeds of the Lord, but you must avoid any sense of pride. Therefore, "Let him who boasts boast in the Lord" (1 Cor. 1:31)."
(Emphasis mine.)
I think this is a very easy mistake to make--as I said; I did it, even while crediting the Lord with His power and ability! The thing is, God allows these struggles so that we have no choice but to lean on Him and watch Him work through us to accomplish mighty works. That way, when God does something huge--in our finances, in our children, in our testimony--He gets the glory, not us!
I'll quote the passage from Experiencing God that got me feeling all "shifty."
"If you are obedient, God will accomplish wonderful things through you. You will need to be careful that any testimony about what God has done gives glory only to Him. Pride may cause you to want to recount your EXPERIENCE because it makes you feel special. You will want to declare the wonderful deeds of the Lord, but you must avoid any sense of pride. Therefore, "Let him who boasts boast in the Lord" (1 Cor. 1:31)."
(Emphasis mine.)
I think this is a very easy mistake to make--as I said; I did it, even while crediting the Lord with His power and ability! The thing is, God allows these struggles so that we have no choice but to lean on Him and watch Him work through us to accomplish mighty works. That way, when God does something huge--in our finances, in our children, in our testimony--He gets the glory, not us!
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
I just couldn't resist!
This is a quick post to show you the adorable nature of kids' shoes. Yesterday, Gemma started wearing my favorite shoes of Hannah's--I think you'll be able to see why--and I think they are so sweet, and there is something so cute about mini adult items. Also, tennis shoes on early walkers are so fun because they make them look so sporty and ready to run! :)
Here's one picture of both girls, and I'm not sure what to say about Hannah's headband, except that she must have thought to keep with the hippy trend the she started with the shirt...
See--even Gemma is in awe of her adorable shoes! :)
Here's one picture of both girls, and I'm not sure what to say about Hannah's headband, except that she must have thought to keep with the hippy trend the she started with the shirt...
See--even Gemma is in awe of her adorable shoes! :)
Friday, August 5, 2011
Slowly but surely
Hannah and I have had a pretty good week, and I think there could be lots of factors involved. First of all, I am making it a priority to pray for her every morning. For a while now, I've been going in both girls' rooms at night to pray over them--mostly that they would know the Lord, that their dreams are sweet, and that they would be healthy, happy girls now & into their adult lives--and just this week I've really begun to commit to praying for Hannah before she wakes up. I know this is helping my days go better, and I think it's putting me in the right mindset, realizing that I can do ALL things through Christ...including parent a strong-willed child! :) God is giving me the strength and endurance...and dare I say...patience (eek!) to show Hannah the authoritative role the Lord has given me with my children. (As He gives to all parents.)
Second, I'm putting some suggestions into play that I'm reading about in the two books I mentioned earlier this week ("Love & Logic" and "Growing Kid's God's Way".) I'm finding that by giving Hannah as many choices as possible, she's much less likely to balk at the choices I need to make. One of my favorite parts about this process is that the book suggests giving the child 10 seconds to choose...after that, guess who gets to decide? :) It makes it so that Hannah has responsibility, but that choice time does not end up being a stall tactic! In "Growing Kid's God's Way," it talks about reminding kids constantly that they are loved, even while having a consequence. While this has always been in my mind, it reminds me to take the time to have that conversation with Hannah before, during & after each disciplinary action. In this way, I'm striving to model the amazing love that our Heavenly Father shows each of His children, and that is a very important character trait of God that I want my children to grasp.
Third, I know that many of you are praying for my journey as a mother, and that is so precious to me. :) I need to remind myself of that as I'm having some of my more difficult days with my children; that there are other mothers around me who are at various stages in their parenting journey, praying right along with me!
Fourth, I am really limiting Hannah's TV time. I've decided to go back to our earlier plan of making movies a special treat--not even necessarily a reward for specific good behavior, but more of a random positive reinforcement (I know there's a word for that, those of you who have taken child psych--variable reinforcement??) At any rate, I don't think Hannah has watched a movie once this week, and I'm limiting her morning TV (PBS) to one hour, if that.
Fifth, with the exception of today, I am spending very little time on the computer while Hannah is awake. This means that my personal time on e-mail, blogs, etc is reduced quite a bit, but I feel like it's worth the sacrifice when I see the rewards of Hannah's better behavior! :) Today was an example of the Love & Logic choice-making, where she didn't decide in 10 seconds, so I made the choice for her. A little biased on my end?? Maybe...but sometimes Mom just needs a few minutes of quiet time, regardless of the day. The rest of the week, we've passed the time during Gemma's nap with fort-making, store-playing, and book-reading. Surprisingly, I find it very enjoyable! (That probably sounds bad, but when thinking about nap time/quiet time in the house, I imagine being able to sit down with a good book, watch some videos on YouTube, write some e-mails, check my blog, etc. What this change in routine requires is an adjustment in my thinking about quiet time--that instead, I can look forward to having time with my oldest child to play a game, imagine something, read longer books, and simply be together! Incidentally, that whole "adjustment in thinking" has become forefront in my mind as I've done these last couple weeks of homework from the Experiencing God study. I'm going to say again: everyone should do that study at some point! It is amazing!)
At any rate, I know Hannah's behavior could be contributed to ALL of these factors, and I'm just going to keep at it while it's going well! I would love to hear your thoughts and comments on this stage of childhood as well, so tell me what you think about these (or other) strategies. :)
Thanks for reading this long post...I wasn't planning on it being quite this wordy, but once I get going, it's hard to stop! ;)
Second, I'm putting some suggestions into play that I'm reading about in the two books I mentioned earlier this week ("Love & Logic" and "Growing Kid's God's Way".) I'm finding that by giving Hannah as many choices as possible, she's much less likely to balk at the choices I need to make. One of my favorite parts about this process is that the book suggests giving the child 10 seconds to choose...after that, guess who gets to decide? :) It makes it so that Hannah has responsibility, but that choice time does not end up being a stall tactic! In "Growing Kid's God's Way," it talks about reminding kids constantly that they are loved, even while having a consequence. While this has always been in my mind, it reminds me to take the time to have that conversation with Hannah before, during & after each disciplinary action. In this way, I'm striving to model the amazing love that our Heavenly Father shows each of His children, and that is a very important character trait of God that I want my children to grasp.
Third, I know that many of you are praying for my journey as a mother, and that is so precious to me. :) I need to remind myself of that as I'm having some of my more difficult days with my children; that there are other mothers around me who are at various stages in their parenting journey, praying right along with me!
Fourth, I am really limiting Hannah's TV time. I've decided to go back to our earlier plan of making movies a special treat--not even necessarily a reward for specific good behavior, but more of a random positive reinforcement (I know there's a word for that, those of you who have taken child psych--variable reinforcement??) At any rate, I don't think Hannah has watched a movie once this week, and I'm limiting her morning TV (PBS) to one hour, if that.
Fifth, with the exception of today, I am spending very little time on the computer while Hannah is awake. This means that my personal time on e-mail, blogs, etc is reduced quite a bit, but I feel like it's worth the sacrifice when I see the rewards of Hannah's better behavior! :) Today was an example of the Love & Logic choice-making, where she didn't decide in 10 seconds, so I made the choice for her. A little biased on my end?? Maybe...but sometimes Mom just needs a few minutes of quiet time, regardless of the day. The rest of the week, we've passed the time during Gemma's nap with fort-making, store-playing, and book-reading. Surprisingly, I find it very enjoyable! (That probably sounds bad, but when thinking about nap time/quiet time in the house, I imagine being able to sit down with a good book, watch some videos on YouTube, write some e-mails, check my blog, etc. What this change in routine requires is an adjustment in my thinking about quiet time--that instead, I can look forward to having time with my oldest child to play a game, imagine something, read longer books, and simply be together! Incidentally, that whole "adjustment in thinking" has become forefront in my mind as I've done these last couple weeks of homework from the Experiencing God study. I'm going to say again: everyone should do that study at some point! It is amazing!)
At any rate, I know Hannah's behavior could be contributed to ALL of these factors, and I'm just going to keep at it while it's going well! I would love to hear your thoughts and comments on this stage of childhood as well, so tell me what you think about these (or other) strategies. :)
Thanks for reading this long post...I wasn't planning on it being quite this wordy, but once I get going, it's hard to stop! ;)
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
The parenting journey continues...(I guess it never really ends...)
I want to preface this post with the comment that although it may come across sounding somewhat negative about Hannah's behavior, I actually see some positive changes already, and my heartfelt prayer is that when Hannah is a well-adjusted, God-fearing teenager (and adult) who has strong values and morals, she can look back at posts like these and realize just how far she has grown & developed.
Lately I've been back to feeling frustrated and overwhelmed by this stage of Hannah's development. Her tantrums are "back" in full swing, and we're not even giving her much (if any) sugar! It's interesting to write this because my friend Lisa has experienced similar behavior from her little guy lately, who is just six months younger than Hannah. You would think that the sunny, beautiful weather would decrease the amounts of tantrums & difficult behavior because the kiddos get to run around, be free, and feel the wonderful effects of Vitamin D. This does not appear to be the case.
Saturday was a particularly bad day, and by afternoon I wound up "running away"...to the back deck...where I promptly dissolved into tears over the frustration of dealing with Hannah's tantrums, disobedience and disrespectful tone. I can't even really pinpoint a specific event or reason, but all I remember is feeling like the day was spiraling down, down, down, until I finally felt completely defeated & discouraged with 1) my parenting ability and 2) Hannah's behavior, since I had begun to feel like it was getting better in the last couple weeks!
Now, please don't worry about my own safety (or Hannah's, for that matter), because I am doing SO much better today. In fact, after having a good cry on the back deck and soaking in the sunshine (thank you, Lord, for sunny days--it truly makes everything better!), I was able to come back inside, regroup, and have a good little talk with Hannah about why I was crying. She was very sweet when she realized I was crying, and asking in her gentlest voice "Mommy, are you okay? Why are you crying?" When I told her I was feeling sad because she wasn't obeying me, she said "It's okay, Honey. After I'm done with my quiet time, I'll come down and talk to you ." :) (Ironically, she was in quiet time because of her aforementioned behavior, and it was during her quiet time that she acted the most reasonable, kind, and compassionate toward me.)
After having such a hard day, I went right to the Lord and asked Him to help me figure out what to do! I am trying to turn to Him first when I have such difficult days, and that does help immensely. On Sunday at church, my sweet friend Kim told me she & her daughter were committing to praying for Hannah. That was such an answer to prayer because partly I just need to know people are on my "team," praying for me on my behalf & keeping Hannah bathed in prayer.
Now that a few days have gone by, I've also pulled out some other resources that I've been meaning to look into. One is "Growing Kids God's Way," which is an older but tried-and-true approach to, well, raising kid's God's way. ;) I like the principles I've read so far, even just in the introduction, and it addresses the issue of respect for adults that tends to get lost in today's world, where the "Mister and Missus" titles have all but disappeared from kids' vocabularies. Of course it goes into much more than just that, but I think ultimately, that is part of the problem with "kids today"--they've lost respect for their elders. (Man, that makes me sound like some old grandma. But obviously, kids didn't just lose that respect on their own; they've been trained by...well, guess who?) Oops--hope I'm not opening a big can of worms here...
The other is the Love & Logic book and CD's. Another dear friend, Sara, actually teaches that course to parents, so I'm heading straight to the experts! ;) I've watched her incorporate the ideas of Love & Logic into her own parenting, and I've seen the benefits, so I'm willing to try it. The thing I really like about L&L, as I'll call it, is that it encourages choices for kids where it's okay for them to choose! (For example, the one I've been using today is: "Do you want to leave the park now or in five minutes?") It's not necessarily letting them choose anything different than what you are already planning; more about letting them feel some control, when in actuality, they are not. Haha--that sounds more devious than I meant it to...
Anyway, I'll be interested to see where this next chapter takes us, both literally and figuratively! Since Hannah starts preschool in about a month (eek!), I would really like to get a handle on some of these behaviors so that every morning or non-preschool day is not a big fight. :)
In spite of the days that get me on my knees (which certainly isn't a bad thing), I know Hannah is one smart cookie, and that she has a lot going for her. She is funny, sweet, and imaginative, and she says the cutest things. Tonight she whispered "You are my special mommy and I love you very much." (We were trading secrets before bed.) I love it when she says her bedtime prayers, and that she is always asking questions about how the world works. She loves to talk on the phone to anyone, and she can carry on quite the conversation--all while walking around the room & gesturing like any adult! :) She is loving to her little sister, and she gives great hugs & hello's when anyone comes home after being gone even a half hour. Overall, I know she is a precious little girl, and I marvel at how big she is looking. (I know, too, that that will not stop.) Here's a quick picture that I took of Hannah today, just because she looked so old. I'll leave you with that, and please be praying for me as I work on this mommy thing. :)
Lately I've been back to feeling frustrated and overwhelmed by this stage of Hannah's development. Her tantrums are "back" in full swing, and we're not even giving her much (if any) sugar! It's interesting to write this because my friend Lisa has experienced similar behavior from her little guy lately, who is just six months younger than Hannah. You would think that the sunny, beautiful weather would decrease the amounts of tantrums & difficult behavior because the kiddos get to run around, be free, and feel the wonderful effects of Vitamin D. This does not appear to be the case.
Saturday was a particularly bad day, and by afternoon I wound up "running away"...to the back deck...where I promptly dissolved into tears over the frustration of dealing with Hannah's tantrums, disobedience and disrespectful tone. I can't even really pinpoint a specific event or reason, but all I remember is feeling like the day was spiraling down, down, down, until I finally felt completely defeated & discouraged with 1) my parenting ability and 2) Hannah's behavior, since I had begun to feel like it was getting better in the last couple weeks!
Now, please don't worry about my own safety (or Hannah's, for that matter), because I am doing SO much better today. In fact, after having a good cry on the back deck and soaking in the sunshine (thank you, Lord, for sunny days--it truly makes everything better!), I was able to come back inside, regroup, and have a good little talk with Hannah about why I was crying. She was very sweet when she realized I was crying, and asking in her gentlest voice "Mommy, are you okay? Why are you crying?" When I told her I was feeling sad because she wasn't obeying me, she said "It's okay, Honey. After I'm done with my quiet time, I'll come down and talk to you ." :) (Ironically, she was in quiet time because of her aforementioned behavior, and it was during her quiet time that she acted the most reasonable, kind, and compassionate toward me.)
After having such a hard day, I went right to the Lord and asked Him to help me figure out what to do! I am trying to turn to Him first when I have such difficult days, and that does help immensely. On Sunday at church, my sweet friend Kim told me she & her daughter were committing to praying for Hannah. That was such an answer to prayer because partly I just need to know people are on my "team," praying for me on my behalf & keeping Hannah bathed in prayer.
Now that a few days have gone by, I've also pulled out some other resources that I've been meaning to look into. One is "Growing Kids God's Way," which is an older but tried-and-true approach to, well, raising kid's God's way. ;) I like the principles I've read so far, even just in the introduction, and it addresses the issue of respect for adults that tends to get lost in today's world, where the "Mister and Missus" titles have all but disappeared from kids' vocabularies. Of course it goes into much more than just that, but I think ultimately, that is part of the problem with "kids today"--they've lost respect for their elders. (Man, that makes me sound like some old grandma. But obviously, kids didn't just lose that respect on their own; they've been trained by...well, guess who?) Oops--hope I'm not opening a big can of worms here...
The other is the Love & Logic book and CD's. Another dear friend, Sara, actually teaches that course to parents, so I'm heading straight to the experts! ;) I've watched her incorporate the ideas of Love & Logic into her own parenting, and I've seen the benefits, so I'm willing to try it. The thing I really like about L&L, as I'll call it, is that it encourages choices for kids where it's okay for them to choose! (For example, the one I've been using today is: "Do you want to leave the park now or in five minutes?") It's not necessarily letting them choose anything different than what you are already planning; more about letting them feel some control, when in actuality, they are not. Haha--that sounds more devious than I meant it to...
Anyway, I'll be interested to see where this next chapter takes us, both literally and figuratively! Since Hannah starts preschool in about a month (eek!), I would really like to get a handle on some of these behaviors so that every morning or non-preschool day is not a big fight. :)
In spite of the days that get me on my knees (which certainly isn't a bad thing), I know Hannah is one smart cookie, and that she has a lot going for her. She is funny, sweet, and imaginative, and she says the cutest things. Tonight she whispered "You are my special mommy and I love you very much." (We were trading secrets before bed.) I love it when she says her bedtime prayers, and that she is always asking questions about how the world works. She loves to talk on the phone to anyone, and she can carry on quite the conversation--all while walking around the room & gesturing like any adult! :) She is loving to her little sister, and she gives great hugs & hello's when anyone comes home after being gone even a half hour. Overall, I know she is a precious little girl, and I marvel at how big she is looking. (I know, too, that that will not stop.) Here's a quick picture that I took of Hannah today, just because she looked so old. I'll leave you with that, and please be praying for me as I work on this mommy thing. :)
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